How to Learn Anger Management in 15 Easy Steps-7C

Why might some people reap benefits from their anger?

supportive-talk-troubled teenAnger as a form of Punishment or Revenge:

A sixth Anger payoff is that an emotional outburst can be used for punishment and revenge. For example, let’s say someone has let you down.  A huge wave of rage envelops you. Your reaction is to punish them and teach them a lesson. Deep down, you want them to feel as much pain as you do. It feels good. Once again, there are side effects. Revenge often makes enemies of the people you love and need most. This process becomes a revolving door of bitter struggles, where old hurts and grudges pushed each of you to new excesses of rage and aggression.

Anger can scare others into doing your Bidding:

Another Anger payoff is it helps us control others. In dysfunctional families, we learn to use anger to intimidate others. We browbeat others with our rage or the fear that we will blow-up. To keep the peace, we find that people will comply with our demands. Our short-term payoff is that people often give you what you want. The long-term effect is that this creates unhealthy relationships based on fear and frustration. It drives a bitter wedge between our ability to have close and happy connections with others.

Anger has Hidden Payoffs:

supportive-talk-bodybuilderWe have discussed a variety of different Anger payoffs. There are much more, and you should try to identify the reasons why anger has become such a close companion in your life. Were you able to identify and relate to how your anger may be giving you some positive benefits?  Understanding that anger can help relieve stress, control others, get people to listen, override other painful emotions, and get back to people who have let you down is the next step in controlling your anger. Once you notice the benefits but see the long- term destructiveness of your anger, you can make a conscious and healthy decision to correct these problems in more positive ways.  Anger is often a Lifelong habit, but this information is the key to change your angry behaviors. Become empowered by making a conscious choice to change your anger habits. 

If you want to change your negative anger habits but are having trouble doing this; a competent professional counselor can be helpful. An easy way to accomplish this is by booking a conversation with Vicki at or read the rest of my 15 part series on “How to Learn Anger Management in 15 Easy Steps.”

If book-lovers would like to read books on this subject, check out “Beyond Anger” by Thomas J. Harbin or “Anger Management for Everyone” by Raymond Chip Tafrate and Howard Kassinove.