Is Your Relationship in Trouble?
The 5 Principles are:
- Learn and Understand Yourself and Your Partner
- Discover Healthy Communication Skills
- Improve Conflict Negotiation Capabilities
- Acquire Methods of Compromise (Win/Win Solutions)
- Develop a Healthy and Intimate Connection
We will continue discussing the 5 effective methods for developing and maintaining a healthy relationship in this second part of our series. If you missed part 1, please follow the below link.
Relationship / Marriage: 5 Effective Methods for Building a Healthy & Happy Connection Part 1
#4) Acquire Methods of Compromise (Win/Win Solutions):
What is a Win/Win Solution? A Win/Win answer is a healthy and respectful resolution to friction between two parties. Finding a solution that tries to find a result in a way that respects the wants and needs of both sides. It is also a clarification of how problems will be handled in the future. Win/Win solutions are the results of positive and healthy conflict negotiation skills. In an argument, both sides need to focus on finding a Win/Win solution. This ending/conclusion should be dependent on each person’s wants or needs, so they feel respected in the solution and negotiation process. People often desire a victorious finish for their side. But winning means that someone has been defeated. The loser will often hold onto Hidden Resentments against the winner. Hidden resentments are anger, animosity, annoyance, bitterness or exasperated feelings over a result in a disagreement. People tend to think if they have won an argument…..they are totally victorious! That is untrue especially in a long-term or important relationship. If the other side feels cheated, disrespected or unhappy about the outcome, deep down they will develop hidden resentments. These deep feelings come out in all kinds of negative ways in a relationship. The “injured” party may pull away, become cool towards the other, be sarcastic, less interested in the relationship; they may yell, cry more, demand more, be less involved, become less helpful, be more critical, gossip about the other or become more secretive, etc. So there is no Winning in a relationship if the other person feels they have Lost. Even if it doesn’t catch up to you right away; over the course of time, the relationship becomes unhappy and unhealthy. Therefore, when there are conflicts, two parties should use conflict negotiation skills and come up with Win/Win solutions. So when two parties have an argument, they look for positive solutions that work for both sides. To get a better idea about how to find Win/Win Solutions, check out my article called, “Win/Win Solutions: The TOP Skill for productive Conflict Outcomes” coming out in early 2016.
#5) Develop a Healthy and Intimate Connection:
Make your relationship a priority. Continue to work on it even after it is comfortable so it stays vibrant and alive. You can have a beautiful garden, but if you leave it unattended, it will turn to weeds and slowly die.
Partners need time with each other to keep the relationship strong. To encourage this process, plan regular date nights, weekend activities, a few minutes sitting outside with a favorite drink, snuggle time and an occasional getaway. Take time to have daily conversations that share your life and interests. Couples thrive when they spend time doing mutual activities or sharing similar pursuits.
Respect is a key
Research has shown that nothing can damage a relationship quicker than criticisms and put-downs so show each other respect and throw in a few sweet comments. My husband says his ears literally perk up when he hears my cheerful voice. Regular respect will do a lot to strengthen the bond between two partners. Paying your significant other a compliment is an easy and quick way to show him/her respect and kindness. A spiritual connection between people can help a couple grow closer. It can be something conventional like a church, mosque or synagogue or it can be as simple as meditation, being in nature or having a deep conversation. Part of respect is acceptance of your partner’s personality and flaws. Make the relationship a safe one by understanding a person can make a mistake and will need forgiveness if requested. Another way to create a safe environment is allowing your partner to express their feelings without the fear of being judged or not taken seriously.
Finally, build a strong foundation by complimenting and expressing love for one another on a regular basis. This can be as simple as in the movie, “Ghost” when she says “Ditto” to his expressions of love. You fell in love with each other for a specific reason. Now, remind each other, frequently, how special each of you are!
For more information, check out other articles posted at Supportive Talk or follow the Amazon links below for, “The Relationship Cure”. By John Gottman or “Making Marriage Simple: Ten Relationship Saving Truths”. By Harville Hendrix and Helen Lakelly Hunt.