Soulmates: How Do You Know When You Have Found “The One”?

Supportive-talk-couple laughing eyesAmerican movies have attracted millions by romanticising the phenomenon of finding a soulmate. But the question still remains, when someone turns you on and makes you light up inside: how do you know if this is the right relationship for you?

Many things can make your eyes light up: pheromones, (believe it or not) similarities with a parent, good looks, or a strong connection on a common belief, hobby, or sport. But let’s boil down what we really mean when we say finding our soulmate. I believe most people are looking for a healthy, happy long-term relationship.

Since we are social creatures, many of us yearn for love. We want to fill the empty spots in our hearts. Studies have shown that successful relationships do not hinge on compatibility or any of the above mentioned reasons.

The key component to a happy, healthy, long relationship is finding someone who really likes YOU! The REAL YOU! A partner who respects admires, and supports your life dreams. The second integral element is a partner who is looking to build a long-term relationship. Someone who wants commitment, understands relationships take work, and is willing to learn the skills to handle the difficult issues that come with melding a life with a unique and separate person. This individual is willing to create compatibility. Sometimes that beginning strong attraction inspires both people to want commitment and be supportive to each other. When this happens, it is an ideal situation.

There is no algorithm, magic formula, or special skill that will turn someone into your perfect mate. It takes getting out and meeting lots of people until you find that special someone who clicks with the real you and you really like them. They are at a point in their life when they are ready for a committed relationship and want to do the work to build a happy and healthy relationship. You need to be willing to do this too. Don’t expect the euphoria of “falling in love” to replace these 4 key elements from both partners. A) wants commitment B) willing to work out issues C) interested in learning the tools it takes for positive resolutions to problems (ie: communication skills, conflict resolution, WIN/WIN solutions) and D) likes the real “YOU”.

When each of you delight and accept the other person for who they are today, not for who they will become tomorrow, it is the right time. When each partner is ready to take on the responsibility of building a healthy relationship, then you have found your “soulmate.”

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